LAZARIDES 77 Quayside opened its doors last Thursday. If you walk in and head straight for the stairs and then if you go down the stairs and hit a right at the bottom in the dark bricked room and then, when you reach the white passage, (when you can go left up some more stairs (that you shouldn’t) or straight into a print room or right into a semi-circular low-ceilinged white room) go right. And then once you’re about half way in, turn around and look back at the doorway. And then look at the bit of wall to the right of that.
Right there.
That’s where I’ve got two canvases.You probably shouldn’t do that. Perhaps take a leisurely stroll down there, because there’s fantastic stuff to see on the way. But you know… I’m the baby in amongst a bunch of very big dogs, so I thought I’d give you directions.
When we arrived on Thursday night, I told my mom that the air vents above and blow my paintings were mine too.
“They’ve just forgotten to number them.”
She said “What? Where?”
She didn’t get it.
It was a funny night. Every time my mother went off to have a cigarette, I’d lose track of when I last saw her, worried that she was sitting somewhere with strangers, bored to tears. I kept dashing off muttering “where’s my mom?” and interruping my boy to ask for his advice/input/help.
I met Laura and Kate; two wonderfully down to earth sisters. With candyfloss hair and huge eyes, Laura looks like a child cleverly crafted from confectionery. I could easily picture both of them laughing and tumbling down pastel coloured spiral slides in My Little Pony Land. Chatting to Care Bears. Flying cloud cars. It’s no wonder then that I didn’t leave either of them alone for a second. Poor things.
I helped Sue and Jonah take the piss out of Ian’s beloved cigarette box. That was fun. I think Ian told me to fuck off. I hope he did. I also met a mushroom who kept dropping a plastic bottle of Transylvanian schnapps (cleverly disguised in a flavoured water bottle. With a label on it. That read “Transylvanian Schnapps”. Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be a disguise at all…)
I had a sip of it. It tasted like it would come in handy if you ever needed to get paint off anything. I liked the mushroom a lot. We had our photo taken together but then he disappeared. I hope the photo does too. I was a placenta shade of Fuchsia. I always am when my things go on walls.
Ian said “anyone who reads your blog that doesn’t know you would be scared of meeting you”.
I made a mental note to not sound like such a dickhead in my blog.
Quimby didn’t stop running around all evening. He’s definitely one of the best things to have walked into my life, elbowed me in the ribs and insulted me. The photos